It’s four months to the day I had to take Poppy to the vets for the last time. I had planned to write this article a week or two after as I want to maintain momentum on this site. The reality is, saying goodbye to Poppy hit me way harder than I even thought I was prepared for.
For the first two months I wasn’t able to tell anyone without crying and that’s got better, but not gone away.
This has been one of the most profound forms of grief I’ve felt.
It was a terrible day. I felt numb in the morning knowing what was going to happen. I’m so lucky a dear friend of mine, Amy, took the day off work and drove us down and took care of us. Looking back, I’m not sure how I would have coped without her.
The wonderful staff at Ribble Vets were so amazing and kind. They let you in a side door so you don’t have to go past reception. And the vet and vet’s assistant who went through the procedure with us were so lovely.
I can’t really remember how I spoke to them. I hope I was kind back. But it’s all a bit of a blur.
The people at the company I work for are amazing too. They gave me some time off and space to get over this and even sent a lovely card.
The kindness of people is something I will always be beyond grateful for.
But all that said, I wouldn’t have traded my time with Poppy for a second.
There’s an old saying, don’t cry because something is over, smile because it happened.
Seeing Poppy through her retirement was, and always will be one of the most rewarding and cherished experiences of my life. And despite the tears, remembering her will make me smile for the rest of my life.
She took me to new levels of empathy so I say without any sense of hyperbole she’s made me a better person.
I can look back now and think actually she did take a lot of caring for. Her weak legs meant she had to be carried up and down the stairs, lifted onto the bed and couch, walked around in a stroller which had to be packed every time. She got moody sometimes when she got a little disoriented because her eyesight and hearing was poor.
And there are a lot of little things people don’t understand about what it’s like caring for a dog like that.
And yet, despite all that, I can 100% confidently tell you I never noticed at the time. I never got frustrated or tired with it, and never once was bothered with any of it. Such is the love and affection that was coming back you just don’t care about all that.
I say all this because I want to say to anyone considering taking on a rescue, particularly an old one. I’m not going to treat you like an idiot and say it’s all fun and games. There are challenges.
But I promise you the challenges are far outweighed by the benefits. In buckets. Not just the love and affection she gave back, but watching her thrive, and play and have fun fills your heart with something you don’t expect.
To say it’s rewarding is the understatement of the century.
Moving on
Issy has struggled a little. On advice of the vet I took her with us the day we said goodbye to Poppy.
She was sad for a week, then started getting snappy at other dogs.
I took her in for her vaccinations about six weeks after Poppy’s goodbye and told her what Issy was doing.
I said, “Maybe she’s being protective of me because she’s worried I’ll go too?”
I got emotional and she said ‘See what you’re doing? She’s doing the same.’
She said dogs grieve too and this is just her grieving.
Every day is a school day. I’m learning a new side of Issy now. I think she’s becoming more confident being the top dog in the house.
We’re definitely getting closer and she’s always got to be with me. I’m lucky I work from home.
I’m finding I’m doing more training exercises with her just simple things like ‘Right side’ and she comes to my right side and sits. She really loves that structure.
We’ve had a great time together. Obviously, with Poppy not here and not having to push the stroller, Issy and I have a lot more freedom to go places.
This is us on Nicky Nook, a wonderful walk near us.
And here we are up Rivington Pike.
Issy has definitely been a saviour for me after saying goodbye to Poppy. I’ve got a wonderful group of friends and they all have dogs Issy loves spending time with. But I live alone so being in this house without Poppy would have been horrific without Issy.
So life goes on and we’re loving it. As I’ve said I’ll always cherish my time with Poppy and she’s made me a better person.
After her passing I had her body cremated and the crematorium offered a service to put her ashes in a carved wooden box, with a vial of her hair. Some people have suggested I find some of her favourite spots and spread the ashes.
But no. I know she loved being out with us, exploring the woods, smelling around for goodness knows what, watching the younger dogs run past her like crazies, getting lots of attention from strangers who could just sense she was a beautiful soul so just wanted to interact with her.
But I also know she felt safest at home, on the couch with Issy and me, snuggling in so hard, sometimes it felt as though a dog was growing out of my leg.
So she sits in the corner of the room every night now on a lovely old side table. A beautiful old girl on a beautiful old table, right by Issy and me where she should be. Home.
I’ll keep working on this site, sharing adventures from Issy, me and our friends. And adding more features like reader stories and helpful tips for caring for dogs.
So please check back every now and then, we’d love to have you visit.
One last thing…
We do strange things in grief sometimes and one night with a glass of whiskey in hand and teary eyes and a runny nose I actually wrote a poem.
I had no intention of sharing it. I think it was just an outpouring of feeling sorry for myself.
But the whole point of this site is I want to convey the love and affection we all had for Poppy, especially Issy and me. And through that, maybe someone might be reading this who is considering taking on a rescue dog, particularly an old one.
The tagline for this website is, ‘If there’s room in your home, they’ll find room in your heart’. And boy have I learned that to be true.
My hope for this site is that a reader will see it and be given the confidence to go out and take on a rescue dog, and my sincere hope is through that experience, you too, get to feel The Poppy Effect.
Final forever walk
You came to me too late,
But you came just in time,
We’ll never know your fate,
Had you not become mine.
You needed somewhere to retire
After all the lives you’d served,
I hope I came close,
To the send-off you deserved.
You’re the reason my angel,
‘We don’t deserve dogs’ is a phrase,
I’ll never repay you,
For the memories you gave.
So run now my darling,
Like the puppy you are at heart,
Remember all those feelings,
Of our days in the park.
And when you’re ready to rest,
Lay down under the biggest tree,
Till the day we come get you,
For our final forever walk, just you, Issy and me.
